When Self-Care Becomes Self-Preservation: The Unspoken Struggles of Setting Boundaries with Ourselves

Let’s get real for a minute. We talk a lot about setting boundaries with others—saying no to extra projects at work, distancing ourselves from toxic relationships, you name it. But what about the boundaries we need to set with ourselves? The ones that aren't so Instagram-worthy? The ones we don't talk about because they're wrapped up in shame and vulnerability?

I want to peel back the layers and dive into those messy, uncomfortable places. Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that ignoring our own needs is a fast track to burnout, resentment, and losing touch with who we really are.

The Unspoken Struggles:

You know those days when even the simplest tasks feel like climbing a mountain? When taking a shower feels like an Olympic sport, and the thought of making a meal is just too damn much? Yeah, I've been there.

There was a period in my life when I went days without showering. Not because I was too busy, but because I was emotionally drained, mentally exhausted, and physically numb. I was so caught up in taking care of everyone else—work deadlines, family obligations, being the "strong one"—that I let myself fall to the bottom of the priority list.

And here’s the truth: Even now, after all the work I’ve done, there are still days when I stumble. When I skip the shower, let self-care slip, or get lost in my own head. But here’s what’s changed: I no longer beat myself up for it. I’ve learned that setting boundaries with yourself isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress.

Why Internal Boundaries Matter:

We often think of boundaries as barriers we set to keep others in check. But internal boundaries are just as crucial—they're the commitments we make to ourselves to honor our needs, values, and well-being.

When we don’t set these boundaries, we become our own worst enemy. We push ourselves to exhaustion, we ignore our bodies screaming for rest, and we let negative self-talk run rampant. We say yes to everything and everyone except ourselves.

But here’s the magic of internal boundaries: They give you the permission to prioritize yourself. They remind you that you’re worthy of the same care, love, and attention you give so freely to others.

The Journey, Not the Destination:

Let me be completely honest: I haven’t “arrived” at some magical destination where all my internal boundaries are perfectly set, and self-care is second nature every day. There are still days when I struggle to honor my own needs.

But here’s what I’ve learned: It’s not about being perfect. It’s about noticing when you’ve slipped, showing yourself grace, and making the choice to try again. It’s a journey, not a straight line, and every step—no matter how small—is progress.

Practical Steps to Build Internal Boundaries (and Keep Trying):

1. Identify One Thing to Start With:
   Don’t overwhelm yourself with a list. Pick one boundary to focus on—like taking a daily walk, drinking enough water, or turning off your phone by a certain time.

2. Experiment, Not Perfect:
   Try it out for a day. If it works, do it again tomorrow. If it doesn’t, adjust it. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s finding what works for you.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Pause:
   Life is messy, and some days you just won’t have the energy. That’s okay. Skipping one day doesn’t erase your progress.

4. Celebrate the Small Wins:
   Did you take a shower today when it felt like climbing a mountain? High five! Did you close your laptop at a reasonable hour? Amazing. Every small step counts.

5. Check In With Yourself:
   At the end of the week, reflect. What worked? What didn’t? What’s one thing you want to carry forward? This isn’t about judgment—it’s about learning.

Why This Matters:

Honoring your internal boundaries isn’t just about self-care—it’s about reclaiming your power. It’s about saying, “I matter,” even on the days when it feels hard to believe it. And it’s about showing up for yourself, in whatever way you can, because you’re worth it.

Your Turn:

What’s one small thing you can do for yourself today? Maybe it’s taking five minutes to breathe, saying no to something that drains you, or simply acknowledging that you’re doing the best you can.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Drop a comment below or send me a message if you feel called to share. Let’s support each other on this messy, beautiful journey of self-care and self-respect.

Remember: It’s not about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up, one step at a time. And we’re in this together.